blessings

The Lord blesses me so much. Even when I see it clearly before me and praise Him in that very moment. He even blesses me when I can barely see the road ahead of me and I become frustrated and question where He is. Sometimes I wonder why in the world does He bless such a confused, worrisome, messy person? I deserve so much less than what He's given me. 

Since July, I've wondered what God's will is for my life. Being back from Haiti, all I could see myself doing was picking up everything to move somewhere similar. I just wanted to drop everything to serve the Lord in a poor country. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life anymore. All I knew is that I desired to seek God wholeheartedly and follow His plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11-13). But for some odd reason, I thought His plan was 5 years down the road from now. During these months, I've been at Holmes Community College, the Lord has taught me that His plan is right now! I pray I'm still searching for His voice and purpose 5 years from now but that doesn't mean I can't today. He is always here and always has His arms wide open. I am overwhelmed that I always find open arms from such a mighty God. I am overwhelmed by His affections, the kindness, and the greatness of His love. So even though I still have a burden on my heart for missions, I will not sit around doing nothing waiting on a door to be opened. I will know I am in His will today. I will pray for guidance and leadership because I cannot do this on my own. 

This how the Lord has shown Himself to me with the whole 'transferring colleges' situation. By coming to community college, I somehow thought God would open up this magical door out of nowhere to be a nanny to orphans in Uganda. I'm not saying God can't do that because I know without a doubt He has done and will do that to people (Luke 12:22-34). But in my case, I was expecting it to happen to me or I almost wanted to make it happen. I always hear a still, quiet voice in the back of my head, "Be still in the presence of the Lord...wait patiently and confidently.." But what did this mean?

This past Saturday, I spent the day with a few friends from Southern Miss. One of which was gonna be my roommate. (Abbie, if you're reading this, I don't know how you are still such a great friend after all that confusion and craziness. But thank you for being patient and understanding. I am so thankful for the friendship we share, PYT!) I was beyond excited to go back down to Hattiesburg and see what I had been missing. I was able to see Abbie's apartment, watch Southern Miss's football team in action at the game, meet some freshman, and catch up with friends. I had a great time. When it was time to leave, it hit me of just how much I miss it there. Of course, more confusion and heartache came with the questions of "Why did I do this?" and "This still isn't making much sense." In the stillness of the car ride back home, He reminds me of all He had taught me through these months. Always seek His kingdom above all else (Luke 12:31). We must ask and we will find (Luke 11:10). He is always pouring His blessings over me in trials and storms. 

God willing, I will return to Southern Mississippi, hopefully get in an apartment with Abigail Sweet Manning, and continue a career in Social Work. Through prayer, I feel God's call to reach people for His glory in the field of Social Work. Where I would bring myself into people's environment to understand their situations and help them in anyway I can. Maybe through therapy, counseling, or just through being a friend. Who knows where the Lord will take me from there. He could bring me to a foreign place far away or He could keep me right here in Mississippi (Isaiah 6:8). But whatever I do and wherever I go, my desire will always be to seek Him and glorify Him all the days of my life. He deserves it.

By the way, I just want to thank whoever reads this! Even if it's just a hand full of people. I truly appreciate it. I love sharing what God is doing through me in this life. It's a blessing to be in the Lord's plan and witness His faithfulness everyday. If you're reading this and we don't know each other, even though this might be weird, hit me up and we can go grab some coffee or something! 

a sunday in port au prince

I've been stumped of what my next blog entry would be. I prayed for God to place something special upon my heart to share with the people that support me and what I love to do. He did just that. I felt led to share what I wrote in my journal the Sunday I spent in Haiti a few months ago. The week that the Lord changed my life and taught me things about life I will never forget. So here it is. Word for word in my personal journal. Straight from my thoughts and heart. 


Sunday, July 2, 2012:

Church yesterday morning was beautiful. We had the opportunity to listen to the Haitians worship in their language with their songs followed by a few people from our group arranged some songs the night before to sing in church. I was surprised to hear the Haitians sing "Here We are to Worship" along with us. Listening to the different languages together praise our God just proved to me we are different and our cultures are different but we all praise the same God! God is the God of the universe! (Hebrews 11:3) This morning in church made it more real for me. 

After eating our lunch at the house, we headed to Life Is Hope orphanage where we were able to meet all the sweet kids we'll be with all week. As soon as our bus pulled up, you could see all the children screaming and running! My heart was over flowing with joy in that moment. When we walked in the gates, the kids were clapping their hands and singing, "This is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made....". Our team was lined up facing them, in awe of their precious faces singing a song we know in Creole. After they were done singing, they CHARGED after all of us, grabbing onto an "American"! I was kinda in the back so in took a few seconds before I looked down and saw a little girl hugging my leg. I picked her up and looked into her huge white, little eyes and just wanted to be there forever with her. Everytime I put her down, she looked up at me and threw her hands up at me. How could I say no? She had my heart already. We walked around and around and around the orphanage. With her in my arms, I saw an older girl sitting by herself. Our translators taught us how to say "What's your name?" in Creole. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity for me to see how well I could say it. So I stopped and asked her her name in Creole. She said, "Ellie". I guess I did pretty good since she answered back! Ellie told me she was 13 with her hands. I couldn't talk to her as much as I would've liked to because of our language barrier. I made her and the little girl still in my arms a bracelet with the salvation colors on them. Afterwards, we sat down for a bit and the little girl fell asleep right in my arms. I felt bad that I couldn't do much with Ellie beside me. So I pointed to my hair and Ellie got a comb and began braiding my hair. It was a long, painful process but at the end, I had a head of cornrows! I told her "Merci" and she understood that. About the time she finished my hair, it was time to leave. I didn't want to leave Ellie and the small girl. It took inner-strength put her down and try my best to let her know I'd be back the next day. I gave Ellie a hug and also tried my best to let her know I was coming back tomorrow. Ever since we left the orphanage today, I can't stop thinking of my little girl asleep in my arms. Like I was her comfort, her rest, her shield just in those few hours. I love her already so much. I don't want to leave Friday at all. 

"The Lord is like a father to His children, tender and compassionate to those who fear Him." Psalms 103:13