The Lord blesses me so much. Even when I see it clearly before me and praise Him in that very moment. He even blesses me when I can barely see the road ahead of me and I become frustrated and question where He is. Sometimes I wonder why in the world does He bless such a confused, worrisome, messy person? I deserve so much less than what He's given me.
Since July, I've wondered what God's will is for my life. Being back from Haiti, all I could see myself doing was picking up everything to move somewhere similar. I just wanted to drop everything to serve the Lord in a poor country. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life anymore. All I knew is that I desired to seek God wholeheartedly and follow His plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11-13). But for some odd reason, I thought His plan was 5 years down the road from now. During these months, I've been at Holmes Community College, the Lord has taught me that His plan is right now! I pray I'm still searching for His voice and purpose 5 years from now but that doesn't mean I can't today. He is always here and always has His arms wide open. I am overwhelmed that I always find open arms from such a mighty God. I am overwhelmed by His affections, the kindness, and the greatness of His love. So even though I still have a burden on my heart for missions, I will not sit around doing nothing waiting on a door to be opened. I will know I am in His will today. I will pray for guidance and leadership because I cannot do this on my own.
This how the Lord has shown Himself to me with the whole 'transferring colleges' situation. By coming to community college, I somehow thought God would open up this magical door out of nowhere to be a nanny to orphans in Uganda. I'm not saying God can't do that because I know without a doubt He has done and will do that to people (Luke 12:22-34). But in my case, I was expecting it to happen to me or I almost wanted to make it happen. I always hear a still, quiet voice in the back of my head, "Be still in the presence of the Lord...wait patiently and confidently.." But what did this mean?
This past Saturday, I spent the day with a few friends from Southern Miss. One of which was gonna be my roommate. (Abbie, if you're reading this, I don't know how you are still such a great friend after all that confusion and craziness. But thank you for being patient and understanding. I am so thankful for the friendship we share, PYT!) I was beyond excited to go back down to Hattiesburg and see what I had been missing. I was able to see Abbie's apartment, watch Southern Miss's football team in action at the game, meet some freshman, and catch up with friends. I had a great time. When it was time to leave, it hit me of just how much I miss it there. Of course, more confusion and heartache came with the questions of "Why did I do this?" and "This still isn't making much sense." In the stillness of the car ride back home, He reminds me of all He had taught me through these months. Always seek His kingdom above all else (Luke 12:31). We must ask and we will find (Luke 11:10). He is always pouring His blessings over me in trials and storms.
God willing, I will return to Southern Mississippi, hopefully get in an apartment with Abigail Sweet Manning, and continue a career in Social Work. Through prayer, I feel God's call to reach people for His glory in the field of Social Work. Where I would bring myself into people's environment to understand their situations and help them in anyway I can. Maybe through therapy, counseling, or just through being a friend. Who knows where the Lord will take me from there. He could bring me to a foreign place far away or He could keep me right here in Mississippi (Isaiah 6:8). But whatever I do and wherever I go, my desire will always be to seek Him and glorify Him all the days of my life. He deserves it.
By the way, I just want to thank whoever reads this! Even if it's just a hand full of people. I truly appreciate it. I love sharing what God is doing through me in this life. It's a blessing to be in the Lord's plan and witness His faithfulness everyday. If you're reading this and we don't know each other, even though this might be weird, hit me up and we can go grab some coffee or something!
James 1:5 has been on my heart here lately and it fits your situation. (like Luke 11:10)
ReplyDelete"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
I think it's beautiful the way you question God and He reveals Himself to You right in that moment, in a way that you understand. Any way that life turns out next year, the year after, and five years from now, I'm confident that you will be in God's will because you are a faithful follower. Your life is a testament to the love, grace, mercy, and complete greatness of God. I feel extremely blessed to have you as a friend and, unfortunately for you, no matter how crazy and confusing your life gets I'm still going to be here. :) I'm praying like crazy for you. I'm praying that every day you find your purpose at Holmes and every day you see just what God is doing in your life through these changes. School has only been in for a month and it sounds like God is already showing you great things. I'm praying that this time next year, you will be here :) and if you aren't, that you are confident that the place you end up is where you are supposed to be. I admire your eagerness and willingness to serve. Thank you for being an example for me. You're a wonderful human being.
The end. :)