it's a new day, it's a new year

Can you believe it's the last day of 2012? Like every year, it sure did fly. As I sit and think of every major event to the small things of this year, God used them all to draw me closer to His love and His peace. I honestly can say I feel like a completely different person from a year ago. 

At the beginning of 2012, I was a freshman at Southern Mississippi trying to find God's will in my life. Saying God was going to use me in the field of Interior Design when it was clear I was gonna do what I wanted with my life and fit God somewhere into that. I found myself chasing everything other than God's heart and being fearful of stretching my faith because of where it might lead me. The summer came and my first international trip to Haiti was approaching and I felt I could throw up because of what God could do whether it was good or bad. But God radically transformed my thoughts and mind to His will in my life. I had a tremendous change of heart during my stay in Port-Au-Prince, Haiti. Children at Life Is Hope orphanage captured my heart, taught me the true meaning of grace and love, and showed me the picture of Jesus. (As I reminisce of that week, I am sobbing because of how much my heart longs to be there again and see their faces). God showed me that He wants to use me in missions. I knew this without a doubt but I didn't know what, why, how, or where. I just knew. So, not knowing much of this calling God was laying on my heart and handling the weird emotions that come along with being back in America, I let my emotions get the best of me. I transferred to community college with the intentions of figuring things out there. In which, I learned I could've done that at USM but the past is the past and I know God will use this time for His glory. I quickly saw the affects and consequences of my choices. I am stuck at community college and with a crap phone for awhile. Then the burden God gave my heart for missions was starting to happen and I was accepted by Praying Pelican Missions to be a summer intern in one of their host countries for 7 weeks! And that's about where this year is ending for me.

As I briefly reflected on this year, I notice just how much God was evident in my life. In the good and bad times. From breaking my heart and tearing down the walls I built from letting God transform me to opening my eyes to truly see in Haiti. From the confusion and chaos praying and searching for His will to finally seeing that door opened from Praying Pelican. 

God has been good. 

"So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" 2 Corinthians 5:16-17

Knowing 2013 is just around the corner makes me excited and anxious because I'm one step closer to finding out where I'll be sent to be a summer intern. God already knows and that gives me hope. Sometimes I wish He could just whisper it in my ear. 

Lord, I am not the person I was last year trying to hold onto the desires I wanted for my life. I know You have called me to die to myself and take up my cross. I know that I am not my own. Thank You for pouring out Your love on me when all I wanted was to be selfish. Next summer, send me where You want to use me. I am Yours all the days of my life. There is nothing else my heart desires but to be in Your presence. 

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

As this year draws to a close, receive My Peace. This is still your deepest need, and I, your Prince of Peace, long to pour Myself into your neediness. My abundance and your emptiness are a perfect match. I designed you to have no sufficiency of your own. I created you as a jar of clay, set apart for sacred use. I want you to be filled with My very Being, permeated through and through with Peace.

Thank Me for My peaceful Presence, regardless of your feelings. Whisper My Name in loving tenderness. My Peace, which lives continually in your spirit, will gradually work its way through your entire being.

Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

jesus is here

It's Christmas Eve Eve at 11:05 pm, pretty close to Christmas Eve. I'm sitting in my bed with my new jammies on and I'm trying my best to put myself there, that night. That night that everything changed. The night where our Savior came into the world as a baby boy. 

"All right then, the Lord himself will give you the sign. Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and will call him Immanuel (which means 'God is with us')." (Isaiah 7:14)

They waited. We waited. 

A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices. 

He's here. He could've left us on our own but he's here.

I really wish I could've been one of the wise men, a shepherd, or even a sheep just to experience what a truly, holy night that was. 

"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6)

It's Christmas, y'all. Go tell it on the mountain that Jesus Christ is born because He is good. 

happy exams!

iHola! Como esta usted? 

One exam down. Four to go. One of which is Spanish. Through the semester, I've been intrigued by the language. So many rules and meanings that an English speaker may not understand. 

As I take a break from my studies and grab a cup of coffee, I feel very inadequate. I feel inadequate to learn a second language. I feel inadequate about coming out with a decent GPA this semester. I feel inadequate about serving in another country leading church teams over the summer. Why does God chose me for these tasks that I can't seem to grasp? Of all people, why me? 

I wonder if Moses ever thought, "God, why me? Why have you used me to guide your people out of Egypt? Why are you using me? I am not capable of any of this." I wonder if he ever felt the way I do now.

" But Moses pleaded with the Lord, 'O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied and my words get tangled." (Exodus 4:10)

Well, that answers my question. Moses did feel the way I feel now! He pleaded with God. "God, I'm not very good at this! Do you really want to use me for this task?" Then God simply reminds Moses....

" Then the Lord asked Moses, 'Who makes a person's mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say." (Exodus 4:11-12)

God assured Moses that He would always be with Him. And the crazy thing is, God has every right to snatch that opportunity away from me for even asking! Instead, He says in a lovingly, Fatherly manner, "Brittni, didn't I form your mouth in your mother's womb? Don't you know I am always with you? I love you so much so that I sent my Son to earth to live among you and die a death He didn't deserve. I did that so that you may know Me and draw near to Me. I have plans for your life but you have to trust me and know that I will equip you. "

"The Lord replied, 'I will personally go with you, Moses, and I will give you rest- everything will  be fine for you." (Exodus 33:14)

I am not adequate. Humanly speaking, I'm not capable for next summer. God made a promise that He would equip me and give me the skills to fulfill His purpose. I am so encouraged by this today. Be encouraged that He will enable you to do whatever He calls you to! How great is our God?!?

"And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and You are the potter. We all are formed by Your hand." 

Isaiah 64:8

the church

What is the church? Is it about Baptists, Presbyterians, Catholics, Methodists? Is it about raising our hands, praying, or kneeling at an alter? I find myself wondering this often.

When Jesus walked on the earth, He went to the most broken, the least good. In fact, it was always the most sinful He ministered to. He touched them and healed them and loved them back. They needed Him. I will go ahead and say I don't want to be a Pharisee. I always find it odd that the Pharisees were religious people. They should've been the very people to want to see Jesus and hug him. But they rejected him. They despised the Son of God. Please read Matthew 23. 

We tend to get caught up in playing church, being religious, following the rules, and looking like a dang Pharisee. It breaks my heart because Jesus doesn't honor that. I remember the first time it occurred to me that my life looked more like the lives of the people Jesus rebuked than the people Jesus drew near to. When I read the words of Christ, I felt a call to fall on my face. I lived like a Pharisee in all my pride and arrogance. See, I liked to feel good about myself. I preferred high places where I was numb to a place where my face was wet from tears because I realized how hopeless I was apart from Jesus. I've learned to fall on my face a lot. I fall because I can't keep pretending I am okay when I'm not. But I also fall because I find God in the sand. I find God with my face in it. And then He gets to be the lifter of my head, rather than my pride. 

"I hate all your show and pretense- the hypocrisy of your religious festivals and solemn assemblies. I will not accept your burnt offerings and grain offerings. I won't even notice all your choice peace offerings. Away with your noisy hymns of praise! I will not listen to the music of your harps. Instead, I want to see a mighty flood of justice, an endless river of righteous living." (Amos 5:21-24)

What is the church? It's not a show. It's not about singing hymns. It's not about our pride. The book of Acts is famous for how the church should look like. It shows how the church continues the work that Jesus began. 

"All the believers were united in heart and mind. And they felt that what they owned was not their own, so they shared everything they had. The apostles testified powerfully to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and God's great blessing was upon them all. There were no needy people among them, because those who owned land or houses would sell them and bring the money to the apostles to give to those in need." (Acts 4:32-35)

These people just saw a man die and rise from the dead! They didn't care! They didn't say, "Hey lets get together and practice community and fellowship" and went about their business. They were on this mission because they saw someone rise from the grave. They saw Him on a cross and they saw Him die. They didn't care about any of their stuff. They made it their mission to tell people there is life after death. It's radical. But it makes sense. What would not have made sense if those people saw all these things and all they did was gather in a small room every Sunday, sang songs, and then a guy taught. And did the same thing the next Sunday...the Sunday after that and so on. Sometimes they would even throw in 10% of their income. That wouldn't have made sense at all. So why do so many people in the church do that? 

What is the church? Jesus treated the church as his bride. He loved her. We are a body. We are the body of Christ. We are his hands and feet. We reach the broken. We grow. We go. We lead. We give. We send. We teach. We worship. We pray. Most importantly, we love. 

I know this is all over the place. My heart just spilled out.