draw near

During the week, most of my days look like this: Wake up, get ready for the day, go to worksite, stay there until time to go somewhere else, come back to lodging facility, freshen up, eat dinner, have nightly worship with the teams, do trip journal, and go to bed. Then repeat. 

I've found it difficult to find a period of time in the day to meet with God. But you say, you're on a mission trip. How could it possibly be hard to stay intimate with God during a time where you're constantly thinking of serving the Lord? The sole purpose I'm here is to serve God, love Him, learn from Him, and do everything He has called me to. So why is it hardest to keep an intimate relationship going while doing His will? 

In James 4:8, it says "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you". Draw near. Although I'm here serving the Lord, if I'm not drawing near to the throne, I won't feel Him moving in me. When I find myself without talking to my Father all day, I'll say 'Well, God knows my heart'. Yes, He does know my heart. But He's also a Father who ENJOYS hearing from His children. Just think of how much it fills your heart when someone who dearly love, pours their heart out to you because they trust in you. Isn't it the same for our God? And He is so much bigger than ourselves therefore He's ready to hear about our days and what we feel. Draw near to Him. 

If you read my previous post, I said a prayer through my blog. Every post I do in Haiti, I want to end in a prayer so that whoever might read, will pray the same. I want to open myself up and be vulnerable in my struggles. I felt a need to talk about having difficulty drawing near to God through the weeks in Haiti but I almost didn't because I didn't want people to know I'm struggling in that area. I'm realizing I don't have to keep on a front because we all struggle in some way. 

Daddy God, it's hard to have an intimate relationship with You through these long, hard days. I'm constantly making sure I've got team names down, I'm building a relationship with them, or out on a worksite constructing a home. While I love all of these, it can be draining and exhausting. Daddy God, I see You working through all of that but sometimes I just need to be alone and have time with You alone. I need to be filled by Your spirit, Your Presence in order to give myself to others. God, I completely trust You with everything in me. I know that You can make time for me to meet with You in the stillness. I know that You can give me rest to fully be awakened by Your holiness. 

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

Matthew 11:28-30

pouring

I have made it to Haiti! It's been a little over a week since I've settled in for awhile. It's so amazing when you listen to the call the Lord has placed on your heart. There's no place I'd rather be than here in His love, serving Him where He wants me. 

My first team came and went in a blink of an eye. We lodged in the same location my church team did this past March. It was a blessing seeing Anne, Lovince, Darleen, and Jenny (some of the kids at Pastor Josue's orphanage). They still have their special spark since I saw them last. The team was so awesome. I truly felt as if God had put them in my life to prepare my heart for the rest of the summer. I was more sad than I expected when we said our goodbyes. I kinda liked them. Team number two arrived yesterday afternoon and I was exhausted with a capital E. 

Pouring. That's the word that came to mind in my exhaustion. Jesus poured his blood out like a drink offering on the cross for my shame. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith. I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad rejoice with me (Phil 2:17). I want to leave this earth exhausted. I want to continually pour myself out and invest in others. Like Jesus, I want to pour myself out. 

If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. 

Isaiah 58:10

Pouring is totally worth it. The other day, I came into my room after loving on some precious orphans from Faith in Action. I could still feel the little cuteness resting on my chest. You know it's a good day when you can feel a kids face still resting on your chest. Hearing 'Mwen remnen ou anpil anpil anpil' (I love you so so so much) from Lolo is worth the exhaustion. I love serving God. 

Daddy God, continue leading me on the pathway of righteousness. I'm so unworthy of this opportunity You allow me to be in. Give me rest, give me strength. I know that You give me the ultimate rest. You give me everything I need. Daddy God, I'm so thankful for your amazing love that poured blood out for me. 

Be in prayer for the teams this week and the coming week! Check out the trip journals here!