what now?

The summer is almost over. Which means my time in Haiti is almost over. I'll have to say bye to all the amazing friends I've made. I'll go home to see family and other friends, tell them all about what God did in Haiti. Try my best to adjust back to American culture. I'll pack my things and get ready to move to school. Then school starts. Reality will begin again. I'll ask myself, "What now?" 

I know that He will continue to work through me in the States as He did in Haiti. But I can't help ask myself, "What now?" Do I keep coming back in the summers? Do I need to go other places? What now? 

I'm not certain on where God will lead me next but I am sure that the God who holds me is the God who knows every one of my thoughts. For now, my answer to "What now?" is go home, love people there, and finish school. Maybe God will keep bringing me back to Haiti, maybe He'll bring me somewhere else. For that I'll just say, "Who knows?" 

higher, deeper

Take a look at this face. His name is Jovincent. He's from Life Is Hope and he brings so much joy to me everytime I see this smile.

I think back to the few moments I had to answer to people who were questioning me coming to Haiti for two months. "Why are you doing this? Aren't you scared?" I tried my best to share with them what God is doing in my life and listening to His calls. I hoped they would understand and not believe that I was out of my mind. But I even started asking myself those questions. "Why am I doing this? You're scared." I had only been to Haiti twice for 2 weeks of my life. I barely knew Haiti and now I was about to go and not come back for awhile. 

I see his face and I know. 

When my heart is faint, 

Lead me to the rock

that is higher than I,

for you have been my refuge.

{ps 61:2-3}

There are only a few songs that speak directly to me. Called Me Higher by All Sons & Daughters first came to my ears when I received the call I would be serving in Haiti this summer. Read this blog. It spoke to me again a few days before I left. It spoke to me once more last week with a team from Petal, MS. But you have called me higher..You have called me deeper..And I will go where you will lead me Lord...You have called me higher...You have called me deeper...And I will go where you lead me Lord...Where you lead me...Where you lead me Lord. In the times of frustration because the power is out and I'm in the shower, He has called me higher. In the chaos of plans going wrong, He has called me deeper. In the moment of my doubt, He has called me to this. 

I see his face again. I hear Jesus speaking, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." Because I am not of the world, He is continually calling me higher than myself. Seeing Jovincent, Bebe, Darleen, Anne, and many other precious faces that remind me of the grace I don't deserve, I know it's worth it. I know without the blood I was never meant to live this life and I'm forever grateful. 

I see His face and I know.