grace

"Grace, what have you done? Murdered for me on that cross."

It was just me and my roommate watching an episode of New Girl, eating lunch in between classes. There was a knock on the door. We both looked at each other because we weren't expecting anybody. I hesitated to open the door. When I opened it, there stood 2 younger guys. Looked my age. Dressed up in suits. Not anything suspicious. I introduced myself and my roommate joined me by the doorstep. We talked about where we were going to school, our studies, what church we attended, and asked them the same questions. They were very friendly. Then they got down to why they were at our doorstep. 

"Who is Jesus to you? What is the impact He's made in your life?" They asked. 

My roommate gave her answer and I agreed with her. They were good questions to consider as a follower of Christ. I figured they were just 2 guys from a youth group doing some outreach around the block. But then, out of their satchel came the Book of Mormon. I was taken by surprise that this was happening. I don't have much knowledge of other religions. They wanted us to keep the book and look at it. Thankfully my roommate is more bold than I and refused to take it. Her words were, "I'm just really grounded in what I believe. The Bible says we're not to add or to take away from it." They asked to pray with us and we hesitated but agreed to pray with them. 

We walked back in and were fairly shocked at the whole situation. 

A few hours later, I researched, googled, YouTubed, and read some of the Word to learn more about Mormonism. There were some similarities to Christianity and many other differences. The one main thing it came down to was grace. Mormons have a hard time accepting grace. The believe in works. They have to work to earn a higher status in the church. 

The truth is, our works are like filthy rags to Him.

Grace.

"But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ's gift."

Ephesians 4:7

The Lord freely offers grace to us. It is a gift. I understand how it's hard for them to accept His grace. Most of the time, it's hard for me to fully grasp this. We can't, absolutely cannot do anything to earn His grace. It's a scandal! His grace is a scandal. He took our shame, our deepest sins, our punishment and we're suppose to just accept His gift to us? I mean, what is that? What are You doing, God? How do You think I'm going to take Your gift and not do anything? 

But He delighted in taking our struggles from us. He takes pleasure in giving us His grace. 

"For the Lord takes pleasure in his people; 

he adorns the humble with salvation."

Psalm 149:4

I could keep talking about grace and all of it's goodness but all I can think is.......grace. Wow. Just grace. 

ah saturdays

It's a Saturday. 
It's 4:35 pm and I haven't moved from the couch since I awoke from my slumber.
The thought ran through my brain to go to the Southern Miss football game at 3. But 3 o'clock came by and I thought, "Eh." 
I put in another season of Boy Meets World, make a cup of coffee, and pull up a few blogs worth reading. 

What am I doing? Where am I going with this?

I feel peace. Peace about my life and where I'm going. God has given me a huge sense of peace about my singleness, my location, my circumstances, my struggles, my strengths. You see, I have peace about struggles and weaknesses because through it, I'm forced to lean on the Lord. Which is the absolute best place to lean. I have peace knowing He will carry me through it and use it for His glory. 

It's been evident God has been working in my life since returning from Haiti. Of course, it was difficult adjusting back to the American college life but God has taken this moment in my life to show more of His power and love. I've opened myself to the opportunity to go to China this Christmas! Maybe even a chance to go to Thailand next summer! 

God is good. I'm excited to see where He will take me in the world until I reach my real Home. 

Here's a song about God's glory and how amazing He is. Turn the volume up, close your eyes, and listen to the Lord. 

si Bondye vle

Tomorrow will mark 4 weeks since I've been back in America. It was hands down the best summer of my life. Seeing God work through me despite of me, being with teams all across North America coming in willing to serve, loving on kids from Good Shepherd, Life Is Hope, Pastor Josue's, and the various communities, working alongside an incredible (and when I say incredible, it doesn't quite justify just how AMAZING) staff, both American and Haitian. This is what made my summer the best. Why don't I go ahead and do the picture part of this blog? Everyone likes to see pictures more than reading, right? 

Ellie (one of the best, scratch that, THE best bus drivers ever) and I playing the hand-slapping game. Thank you, Ellie, for all you do. 

Louvens. One of the kids from Pastor Josue's orphanage. I had one of my best moments with him. After not seeing him for three weeks, the moment we saw each other, we ran and embraced each other. Thank You, Lord, for those sweet reminders You place before me.

So I met a really cool girl in Haiti who also lives in Hattiesburg, MS which is where we both go to school! What what! We had the chance to meet up the other day for coffee. Then I went to Petal Harvey to see the rest of the team that came to Haiti. Thank you, Rachel Charpie, for being amazing and introducing our staff to 'Called Me Higher'. 

Marlo and I being models....well, trying to be models. Marlo is one pretty amazing person I had the chance to work with. Thank you, Marlo, for teaching me more about Haiti and God's heart for Haiti. 

Left to right: Jośue, Caroline, Bethany, Odne, Kathryn, myself, Jovani.

The amazing staff I was talking about. Good grief, I don't know if my time in Haiti could've been as amazing without them. Thank you guys for being servants of the Lord and opening yourselves up to let me learn from you.

Celebrating Fourth of July with Bethany, Caroline, and Kathryn. We tried to get our Haitians to watch fireworks with us but they weren't as interested. Thank you America? 

Not really sure of these guys names. But this is at Good Shepherd where Sister Mona has kids from the community come everyday to eat bread and a boiled egg. She's very passionate about Haiti and others seeing the beauty of Haiti. Thank you, Sister Mona, for your heart and the way you fully rely on God because you know that He will provide. 

Kaden's in Petionville. Some of the best pizza that has ever gone in my mouth. Thank you, Kaden's, for giving the PPM staff an amazing pizza experience. 

Some of the kids in Gressier. One day while out working, another leader and I were taking a water break and these kids were sitting around together, talking about the bible story from the previous day as they sang different praise songs. It was such a blessing to see. Thank You, Lord, for using us to show the love of Christ. 

Bethany made American/ Italian spaghetti! We told our Haitian staff they couldn't use the ketchup unless they tried it first. But they were sneaking the ketchup. Thank you, friends, for sharing these experiences with me and encouraging me to keep seeking Him. 

Preparing a share service for FBC Terry. Drinking coffee and digging for words to say. Thank you, coffee, for giving me inspiration. #lamecoffee

As my time in Haiti drew to a close, questions I asked myself often were 1) Is this going to be my life? 2) Should I do this again next summer? Something Haitians say on a daily basis is 'Si Bondye vle' (if God wants). I could keep asking myself these questions over and over. Maybe find some kind of answer. Or I could say, 'Si Bondye vle' and trust He has my life in His hands. I've heard that's the safest place we'll ever be. I've tried to understand every single emotion I've felt since returning but understanding will never bring me peace. Not the peace I'm searching for. We, as humans, are always trying to understand rather than simply trusting. Understanding will only leave me searching for more answers. Trusting in the One Who is peace Himself will give me more than I'll ever need. 

It's been obvious God has put Haiti in my life for a purpose. He's brought me back for a purpose too. What those purposes are? I don't know. Si Bondye vle, He'll continue bringing back to Haiti. Si Bondye vle, He'll keep me right where I am. Whatever location I'm in whether that be global or local, I am His. I am His follower and that means I continue to make disciples until the end of the age. As American Christians, we are caught up in only thinking "missionaries" go to live in another country. If we think we're not called to go, we breath a sigh of relief and shrug it off. While, that's not exactly biblical. Some people are called to go and live in a foreign country. But that doesn't mean the others are off the hook. We do the same things right where we are. So in the meantime while I'm in Hattiesburg, MS, I will commit to being a missionary here. Until God keeps pursuing me back to Haiti. Or other places, who knows. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

{pro 3:5}

what now?

The summer is almost over. Which means my time in Haiti is almost over. I'll have to say bye to all the amazing friends I've made. I'll go home to see family and other friends, tell them all about what God did in Haiti. Try my best to adjust back to American culture. I'll pack my things and get ready to move to school. Then school starts. Reality will begin again. I'll ask myself, "What now?" 

I know that He will continue to work through me in the States as He did in Haiti. But I can't help ask myself, "What now?" Do I keep coming back in the summers? Do I need to go other places? What now? 

I'm not certain on where God will lead me next but I am sure that the God who holds me is the God who knows every one of my thoughts. For now, my answer to "What now?" is go home, love people there, and finish school. Maybe God will keep bringing me back to Haiti, maybe He'll bring me somewhere else. For that I'll just say, "Who knows?" 

higher, deeper

Take a look at this face. His name is Jovincent. He's from Life Is Hope and he brings so much joy to me everytime I see this smile.

I think back to the few moments I had to answer to people who were questioning me coming to Haiti for two months. "Why are you doing this? Aren't you scared?" I tried my best to share with them what God is doing in my life and listening to His calls. I hoped they would understand and not believe that I was out of my mind. But I even started asking myself those questions. "Why am I doing this? You're scared." I had only been to Haiti twice for 2 weeks of my life. I barely knew Haiti and now I was about to go and not come back for awhile. 

I see his face and I know. 

When my heart is faint, 

Lead me to the rock

that is higher than I,

for you have been my refuge.

{ps 61:2-3}

There are only a few songs that speak directly to me. Called Me Higher by All Sons & Daughters first came to my ears when I received the call I would be serving in Haiti this summer. Read this blog. It spoke to me again a few days before I left. It spoke to me once more last week with a team from Petal, MS. But you have called me higher..You have called me deeper..And I will go where you will lead me Lord...You have called me higher...You have called me deeper...And I will go where you lead me Lord...Where you lead me...Where you lead me Lord. In the times of frustration because the power is out and I'm in the shower, He has called me higher. In the chaos of plans going wrong, He has called me deeper. In the moment of my doubt, He has called me to this. 

I see his face again. I hear Jesus speaking, "If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you." Because I am not of the world, He is continually calling me higher than myself. Seeing Jovincent, Bebe, Darleen, Anne, and many other precious faces that remind me of the grace I don't deserve, I know it's worth it. I know without the blood I was never meant to live this life and I'm forever grateful. 

I see His face and I know. 

draw near

During the week, most of my days look like this: Wake up, get ready for the day, go to worksite, stay there until time to go somewhere else, come back to lodging facility, freshen up, eat dinner, have nightly worship with the teams, do trip journal, and go to bed. Then repeat. 

I've found it difficult to find a period of time in the day to meet with God. But you say, you're on a mission trip. How could it possibly be hard to stay intimate with God during a time where you're constantly thinking of serving the Lord? The sole purpose I'm here is to serve God, love Him, learn from Him, and do everything He has called me to. So why is it hardest to keep an intimate relationship going while doing His will? 

In James 4:8, it says "Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you". Draw near. Although I'm here serving the Lord, if I'm not drawing near to the throne, I won't feel Him moving in me. When I find myself without talking to my Father all day, I'll say 'Well, God knows my heart'. Yes, He does know my heart. But He's also a Father who ENJOYS hearing from His children. Just think of how much it fills your heart when someone who dearly love, pours their heart out to you because they trust in you. Isn't it the same for our God? And He is so much bigger than ourselves therefore He's ready to hear about our days and what we feel. Draw near to Him. 

If you read my previous post, I said a prayer through my blog. Every post I do in Haiti, I want to end in a prayer so that whoever might read, will pray the same. I want to open myself up and be vulnerable in my struggles. I felt a need to talk about having difficulty drawing near to God through the weeks in Haiti but I almost didn't because I didn't want people to know I'm struggling in that area. I'm realizing I don't have to keep on a front because we all struggle in some way. 

Daddy God, it's hard to have an intimate relationship with You through these long, hard days. I'm constantly making sure I've got team names down, I'm building a relationship with them, or out on a worksite constructing a home. While I love all of these, it can be draining and exhausting. Daddy God, I see You working through all of that but sometimes I just need to be alone and have time with You alone. I need to be filled by Your spirit, Your Presence in order to give myself to others. God, I completely trust You with everything in me. I know that You can make time for me to meet with You in the stillness. I know that You can give me rest to fully be awakened by Your holiness. 

Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and my burden is light. 

Matthew 11:28-30

pouring

I have made it to Haiti! It's been a little over a week since I've settled in for awhile. It's so amazing when you listen to the call the Lord has placed on your heart. There's no place I'd rather be than here in His love, serving Him where He wants me. 

My first team came and went in a blink of an eye. We lodged in the same location my church team did this past March. It was a blessing seeing Anne, Lovince, Darleen, and Jenny (some of the kids at Pastor Josue's orphanage). They still have their special spark since I saw them last. The team was so awesome. I truly felt as if God had put them in my life to prepare my heart for the rest of the summer. I was more sad than I expected when we said our goodbyes. I kinda liked them. Team number two arrived yesterday afternoon and I was exhausted with a capital E. 

Pouring. That's the word that came to mind in my exhaustion. Jesus poured his blood out like a drink offering on the cross for my shame. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith. I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad rejoice with me (Phil 2:17). I want to leave this earth exhausted. I want to continually pour myself out and invest in others. Like Jesus, I want to pour myself out. 

If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. 

Isaiah 58:10

Pouring is totally worth it. The other day, I came into my room after loving on some precious orphans from Faith in Action. I could still feel the little cuteness resting on my chest. You know it's a good day when you can feel a kids face still resting on your chest. Hearing 'Mwen remnen ou anpil anpil anpil' (I love you so so so much) from Lolo is worth the exhaustion. I love serving God. 

Daddy God, continue leading me on the pathway of righteousness. I'm so unworthy of this opportunity You allow me to be in. Give me rest, give me strength. I know that You give me the ultimate rest. You give me everything I need. Daddy God, I'm so thankful for your amazing love that poured blood out for me. 

Be in prayer for the teams this week and the coming week! Check out the trip journals here!   

mustard seed faith

Am I ready?

I look back at journals from past weeks in Haiti with my church team. I sense the fear I had riding on the bus to settle into the lodging area. I can feel the atmosphere of Life Is Hope and Faith In Action with kids playing with girls hair, guys kicking a soccer ball around, and teams trying to learn a little bit of Creole. I feel the pure joy of looking at the Haitian mountains, knowing that I'm loved by the One Who created them. Even in Matthew 17:20, Jesus says, "If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will tell this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move". I wipe the tears from my eyes as I have to leave and say a million of good-byes to teams I served with from another state, translators, PPM staff, and the sweet kids. 

Am I ready for this? Am I ready for a longer time spent in Haiti, meeting more people, falling more in love with the country? 

I am ready. I know God isn't finished working in me. He clearly revealed that through my broken heart last summer when I had to depart from Haiti for the first time. I know that He will keep using me and using me as long I am open to it. As scary as it is to go, to obey, to leave, or to pour yourself out, He is always restoring, comforting, and mending. If God is for us, who can be against us? Honestly, when I look at the grand scheme of things, it all happens so fast. This life passes by so quickly. Therefore I am ready for anything God calls me to. 

Please be in prayer for me, Caroline, teams, Haitian staff, Praying Pelican staff, and everybody working together to serve our awesome God this summer in Haiti! It's exactly a week until I step onto a plane to Haiti and I'm a roller coaster of emotions. But most of all, ready to just be used up by the Lord this summer and for the rest of this life on earth. It's such joy to be apart of His will and growing His kingdom. 

oh my stars

I have been quite the blog slacker lately. Two and a half weeks may not be slacking at all but   I didn't even think to log on and describe my incredible training weekend in Minneapolis, MN! Before I start, thanks for all that have been reading and for your prayers. You have no idea how much I feel the love of others showering over me. 

The Friday morning my mom dropped Caroline and I off at the airport, I was full of nervousness, excitement, anxiety, all of the above. I was also full of comfy, warm clothes thinking it would be freezing in Minnesota. Something that I had been praying for was for God to carry us swiftly through the airports because I have this fear of being lost in an airport and missing the plane. Not even joking, we land in Atlanta, get off the plane, find our connecting flight, and the gate was just across from the gate we got off. If you don't believe God can work through just about anything, even making your travels easy and stress-free, there ya go. Proof He was right there with us through it all. 

As we land in Minnesota, you could clearly see snow on the ground. I was proud of myself for actually coming prepared for the weather. Usually, I just do what I think is best and it's never a smart decision. Well, I came prepared and it was not cold one bit. The Mississippians brought the warm weather with them. That's enough about the weather.

Oh my stars. I don't even know where to start how the weekend went. Everyone with PPM is ridiculously awesome and nice! I felt welcomed from the moment I walked into the hotel from the moment I walked out to leave. They are all obviously so in love with the Lord that they're willing to serve Him with everything they have. To be with people like that is the most encouraging thing I've experienced. I know without a doubt God used some people I met to calm my heart about the summer. It's crazy weird how when people are motivated by the same thing which is to glorify the Lord and make His name known all over the world, you feel like you've known these people forever. But in reality, you've only gotten to know them within 2 days. It brought the meaning of being the body of Christ to life for me. As we serve our Father, we are a huge family and we're all in this together. 

I am beyond blessed to have this opportunity. It's been amazing and hard going through this process of God bringing me to this point. I cannot doubt that God has brought me here for a purpose. Through all of this, I've realized not everyone will support me 100%. People will doubt me, will find every reason in the book for me not to go to Haiti this summer, or will tell me it's dangerous. To be honest, I've thought the same things. I have experienced running away from God's callings before. The more running I did, the more exhausted I became, and until the point I ran out of breath, I realized I couldn't keep running. It was miserable running for so long. Surrendering, completely surrendering, is scary. But I've found so much joy, so much peace, and abundant life. Even though sometimes I grow weary and unsure, I will never go back to running from God. Until the end of time, I will run full force to Him. It's a joy to know His arms will always be open. I will pray for the people who doubt and I want to help them understand I was once in their shoes. But I'll keep on buying plane tickets to foreign lands until I go Home. 

However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me- the task of testifying to the good news of God's grace.

Acts 20:24

join me on this journey

If you've been following along with my blog the past few months, you know I'm returning to Haiti for the summer with Praying Pelican Mission. I encourage you to follow the link and learn more about Praying Pelican. It's an awesome organization that offers short-term mission trips for churches in North America. I can honestly say, it was a tool God used to wreck my life the summer of 2012 and directed me onto His path. The significance to the name 'Praying Pelican' is in times of scarce food, a mother pelican will peck her self until the point of death in order to feed her babies. Just as Christ sacrificed His life for the sake of our sins. 

This Friday, my journey will begin with a spring conference at Praying Pelican's headquarters in Minnesota. My friend, Caroline, is along for the same ride as myself. Thankfully, we have the same flights together which will make the airport not as terrible. We'll be meeting other PPM staff, hearing all that is planned for the summer, and just worshipping the gracious Lord that allows us to be apart of all this serving! Other than that, I'm not sure what to expect at this conference. But I can only imagine it'll be good. 

I cannot express how anxious I am to get the summer rolling and meet teams across North America in Haiti! At times I don't feel at all ready for any of this responsibility but I've heard once (on Pinterest) from Margaret Shepherd, "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith". How true! How am I suppose to continue growing if I don't listen to the callings God gives me? How am I suppose to know more of who God is if I'm not putting myself out there to be His hands and feet? He is our refuge and our fortress therefore there is no reason not to follow His callings. 

Caroline and I will be at the airport bright and early Friday morning, ready to board a plane to Minnesota. That in itself should be an experience because I'm from Mississippi which is a warm place and I hear Minnesota has this weird, white, cold stuff. I think it's cold snow? I ask you to pray for us and for the Lord to direct us every step of the way!

do your best

Come on, brain. You can do it. Only 14 more days of classes which is 3 weeks and 4 days of finals is separating you from freedom. Focus. Give it all you got.

Semesters are always great until the last few weeks until it ends. My mind goes into break mode way too soon. But it can't shut down now! I still have to study my hiney off for finals! Why do all college students fall into this trap at the end of our hard-earned semester? I will never know. 

Lets read Colossians 3:23. "Servants, do what you're told by your earthly masters. And don't just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best. Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you'll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance". 

What? Really? God, it's school though. Sigh, ok. 

Do your best. I hope that's an encouragement to you now. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing. My Marriage and Family class could be a tool God uses for people I will meet in the future. You're next trip to the grocery store, you could find an opportunity to show the love of Christ. Always do your best for the Lord now because we have a beautiful time of rest awaiting us.  

The Word and coffee will be my strength through the next few weeks. 

i can be weak

As I sit on the floor of my room, looking at my opened suitcase, my pup looking at me, I'm gently reminded that I wasn't created to be strong. My strength doesn't come from me nor will it ever. If I was strong, where would my need for God be? So often, I become wrapped up in the world and believe the lie that I have to be strong in everything. I guess that's why these sweet reminders from the Lord are so well, sweet. 

When I'm asked to lead a team on Wednesday nights, or lead a group of 7th grade girls at Disciple Now weekend, or get accepted to an awesome internship with an incredible non-profit organization like Praying Pelican, I automatically think I need to be strong and not show any weaknesses. A lie. This is what is so lovely about our Lord! He shines His glorious light through our weaknesses. "I lift my eyes to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord" (Psalm 121:1-2). His Spirit in us is sufficient for any situation, trouble that comes our way. I don't have to constantly worry where my strength will come from. It's a scary thought if I ever had to rely on my human strength because I wouldn't make it very long. So grateful for His strength in me. 

Why am I packing? My friend and I were asked to lead a prayer walk at a ladies retreat this weekend. At first, I was hesitant because these ladies have lived more life than me. They need to leading ME in a prayer walk. But God gives us various opportunities for a purpose. I only need to trust and rely in His strength. Thank You for Your strength and the peace within Your strength, Lord! 

Praying for an awesome time of visiting, growing, refreshing, and relaxing weekend with sweet ladies at our church! 

we are the body

HE IS RISEN! 

Hallelujah! Hallelujah is a word translated the same in all languages and a word we'll be saying all of eternity together. Thank You, Jesus, for making it possible to spend eternity with you. How You lived a life I can never live and died the death I deserved is something I'll never grasp. For that I am forever grateful. 

Our journey didn't end at the cross. We continue to shine His light on earth until He returns. I found this song and I've replayed it a thousand times. It fits with what our life now looks like after the resurrection of our Savior. We are the body of Christ and we reach out to the least of these. 

We are the body of the most high

We are the bride of the Savior

And we fall for the king of the Kingdom

As we sing the songs of salvation

And we stand for those that cannot stand for themselves

And we love the loveless

And we go where Your light's not shining

We are the body of Christ

We shine like a city on a hilltop

We boast in the Spirit living in us

And we march on a road leading to freedom

As we reach out our hands to the fallen

And we bring living water to the thirsty

And we live for the One who was and is and is to come 

So our life counts for something greater than ourselves

We are the body of Christ

And our anthem will be a song of praise to the King 

"He is worthy, He is worthy"

With one voice we will sing 

"Where oh death where is your sting"

He is mighty, He is mighty

jesus paid it all, all to him I owe

Last Sunday, I began a time of reflection in the life of Jesus. The message given at church was titled 'Jesus' Message to Us in His Death'. There was certainly a message for us in His life, death, and resurrection. Jesus gave us a powerful word of warning, love, grace, and authority. 'It is finished' are several of my favorite words. Those words motivate me to jump on a pew at church and scream 'IT IS FINISHED'! It is finished for us! The fight has been won. Victory is His. 

Doing some normal blog reading during the week, I came across Jen Hatmaker's entry on Easter. Please go read immediately because it will break you. Break you in a beautiful way. Here's a link. 

If you've read that, I'm guessing you're in tears. 

It almost makes me range with anger at the way our society has taken Christmas and Easter and turned them into these go-get-a-pretty-dress-eat-candy-and-go-to-church-with-your-family holidays. After the anger comes tears of brokenness. For there's no depth to why we celebrate Christmas or Easter. Don't we know God has made a way for us? That He made us alive in Christ this week thousands of years ago? Where did this stupid bunny rabbit and plastic eggs come into place? It breaks my heart. 

This Easter, I want to see myself broken at the feet of Jesus. 

Now as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and after blessing it broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, "Take, eat, this is my body." And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Matthew 26:26-28

His blood was poured out like a drink offering for me. He did what no lamb, goat, or cow blood could do for us. He carried and bore our sins upon a cross. As the prophet Isaiah wrote, He was pierced for our transgressions and crushed for our sins. By His wounds we are healed. I can say those words over and over and still be full of tears. Tears of sadness knowing that my Jesus was mocked, humiliated, spit on, carried a heavy cross, and took away my sin. When I didn't even know Him yet! Even then, He still choose to take the suffering.  

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8

Because He took my fall, I'm His forever. Not because I'm obligated to, that's where free will comes in. He made the way so I choose to follow it all the days on this earth. A verse that takes heart with me is in Acts 20:24. Paul is speaking to the elders in Ephesus. He's illustrating his life and what it means to him. Acts 20:24 says, "But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God". My life does not mean anything to me unless it is being used for His glory. The last thing Jesus said to his disciples was to go therefore into all nations and make disciples. My life, your life has purpose! Bringing glory to God! When I'm finished here, I may live forever with Him. What a glorious glorious day that will be! 

Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 

I not positive our society will change as long I am alive. I know this earth will always be this earth until Jesus rescues His faithful followers. I also know one day every knee will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord (Philippians 2:10). Every knee that refused to turn to Him and continued their selfish ways will bow one day. I know every tongue that professed the name of Jesus into the ends of the earth will sing His praises at His courts one day. The bunny and Santa Claus won't matter then. Knowing that lets the anger and sadness fade and the hope set in. There is hope in the cross. There is power in the cross. 

Believe it. Be broken at His feet. See His nail scarred hands. Have hope in the cross. 

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age. -Jesus

lets die

One day at Life Is Hope last summer, one of the kids, played with my watch. Somehow he managed to set an alarm at 1:00 a.m. I never fixed it because it felt like a memory I didn't want to be fixed. I love the irony of this because the Haiti team of 15 met at the church at 1:00 a.m. Friday morning to set out on another trip to Haiti. God knew Milliot would set an alarm at the same time I would make a second trip to the place I had been mesmerized. 

The week came and went in a blink of an eye. I always wonder why I keep going back because of how heartbreaking the goodbyes are. It was amazing to say the least. 

Everytime I am serving God, I learn to die to myself. We are called to die to our selfish needs to serve others in everything they need. The team helped lay a foundation of an orphanage being extended so the kids can have more space than they have now. We formed a line to pass buckets of cement and I forgot to bring work gloves. Therefore, my hands became filthy of cement. I looked at my hands and remembered the prayer I prayed that morning. "Lord, let me be Your hands and feet today. Use me in anyway You need today." He used me and my hands were dirty. When we serve Jesus, our hands get dirty and our feet get scraped. This is dying to myself. My hands are not my own. I am not my own. I am His forevermore. 

Come on. Lets die. 

Die to ourselves so that Christ's glorious light may shine through us. 

He is so worth it. 

An encouraging thing said to me was, 'Don't let it end here.' God called me to Haiti a week last summer, a week this spring, and an entire summer. But I'm here in Mississippi now. Wherever I am is my mission field. There is no doubt I miss Haiti so much more than I should but I understand I am here to glorify Him here and now. 

So excited to work with Praying Pelican Missions in Haiti this summer. 

Jouk lè pwochen, mwen manke ou!

keep calm and carry on

Anxious. 

I have an anxious heart today.  

"What's gonna happen this summer?" "What am I gonna do about next semester?" "Hello? God? Are You there?" 

It seems as if I'm always worried about something. And it seems I always come up with the same conclusion: Stop worrying for He has the world at the palm of His Hand. 

While that's so beyond true, I only say that. I don't trust. 

But right now it's different. See, this time I feel more of His peace guiding me. 

A motto I've grow attached to is 'keep calm and carry on'. It's something that comforted me while taking my first finals in college. Keep calm as your head runs wild with thoughts and theories of how a situation could play out. Carry on. Calm, my heart, be calm. 

The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you."

Psalm 32:8

Be still and know that I am God. 

Psalm 46:10

If that doesn't make me calm and continue to carry on then I've let my thoughts be in control. He, my Solid Rock, my All-in-All, will guide me. I've sketched out so many images of my life over the past few years. Over and over, God shows me He is the Artist and takes the pencil out of my hand. He has redirected my sketches, erased, and added all for a better picture that He has already created. To know God is sketching for us is stunning. 

No longer will I hog the pencil. I'll put away the sketch pad. No more planning, no more drawing. Just sitting, keeping calm, being still, enjoying the Hand of my Father, and carrying on. 

He makes all things beautiful.

Hillsong released yet another awesome album of praise to our God. One song in particular captured my heart and brings me into a beautiful time of worship with the Artist of my life. Listen and hear God talking to you and loving you through this. 

You call me out upon the waters // The great unknown where feet may fail // And there I find You in the mystery // In oceans deep // My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name // And keep my eyes above the waves // When oceans rise // My soul will rest in Your embrace // For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters // Your sovereign hand will be my guide // Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me // You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name // And keep my eyes above the waves // When oceans rise // My soul will rest in Your embrace // For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders // Let me walk upon the waters // Wherever You would call me // Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander // And my faith will be made stronger // In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name // Keep my eyes above the waves // My soul will rest in Your embrace // I am Yours and You are mine